ive got a bone to pick with wordpress.
i started this account a week ago, after my first blog post – it popped up with this sidebar thingie that said ” only 4 more posts to go” with a measuring type line, and a big star at the end. ooooooh says me, what happens when you get to the star? of course, im all stoked to get to the star. who wouldnt be? what happens?? does the blog come to life and start reading my thoughts and typing them for me? i mean, what happens?? TELL ME.
so.. i blog, and blog, knowing im getting closer and closer to that star. tonight, i posted blog no.5. you know what happened? NOTHING. ” youve reached your goal” WHAT .. i didnt set the goal, YOU DID, WORDPRESS. you set me up and let me down. imagine that. pfft. it was like getting that piece of bazooka bubble gum that didnt have the comic! yes i still buy bazooka, and yes, they still somehow, after all of these years… havent figured out packaging perfection as i STILL sometimes get the comic-less wrapper.
so, wordpress, i am picking a bone with you. i mean, crap – why not give us a free new background choice.. one that you would normally pay for, even if its a crappy one you know no one is really gonna actually use anyways, so you arent going to lose any cash. i mean, seriously, howbout a free font. howbout a cookie! an emoticon cookie that we can stick on our happy little blog post NUMBER FIVE because we reached YOUR goal. hmmmpf. grr.
hey, you know what… while im in the graveyard picking bones.. let me have one of subways!
how on earth are they only charging 5 bucks for a sub when they are putting 30$ worth of mayo on the dang things. i mean, seriously, i get that you save money by putting paper thin veggies on it… but do you still sleep at night knowing your mayo is half the reason kids are having cholesterol issues at age NINE? howbout making those cucumber slices at least thick enough for me to need to use my teeth to eat it…. and only use .50 worth of mayo. now theres a crazy idea.
hey, this is kinda fun. im just having a bitch fest. let me keep going.
GET OFF THE MOTORIZED CARTS.
i think grocery stores should have motorized cart “centers” where you have to prove your medical condition in order to need to use one. lol. ok, that may be a little extreme but FFS! why not? theyve taken away jobs by removing “baggers” from the checkout lines, by now making the lines even slower because the poor cashiers have to actually do the bagging as well. so lets get back to creating some jobs here… and give the has been bagger boys, cart control jobs! and these cart control boys are in charge of deeming who actually needs a cart and who doesnt. lol… im sorry but, the couple i saw on a grocery store date riding around in motorized carts acting like asses certainly didnt belong on them. perhaps the go-kart track was closed, but you know what… go see a movie or wait for your little romantic motorized date until that track opens back up. oh wait.. but the grocery go-karts are free. cheap-skate.
heres one. heres one that drives me effing batty.
dudes, im sorry but you are just NOT hot when you scream out the car window at women.
i mean, wtf are we supposed to do, lets say – in some CRAZY moment, we think WOW – hes cute! – should we try to scream out our number as you scream out some horrible sound at us in that 1.2 seconds it takes you to turn the corner?? oh wait.. let me get my window down real quick and yell back. threee-threeeeeeeee———- shit.. hes gone. he wanted me, how will i ever find him again. destiny – you suck. now i have to go home and realize the man of my dreams is gone because he turned the corner too quickly, as he was clearly expressing his love for me. shit. well, there goes that. i mean honestly, do you think we like being startled by some awful noise that comes out of your mouth? certainly by your years of practicing this ritual, you know by now us girls that MAY be even remotely attracted to your gaping mouth have no chance at ever getting our digits to you as you wiz past us… so whats the point? to freak the ever living crap out of us? or do you really.. really.. in that moment think WOW – shes gonna be so excited. im gonna make this girls day. ……………. yeah, sure you will buddy, by making us need to go home for a change of clothing because we just shit our pants.
hmm… im discovering that murphys stout and blogging makes for an interesting conversation in my head. lol… oh for shame.
rant. lets rant.
while im on the topic of men ….
if you think im cute and wanna talk to me, please do so. dont follow me around and pop out of every isle in the store you know im going into in hopes of crashing into my buggy and needing to apologize. you …………might………..appear………creepy. yep… ever think of that?? ever think that girls might get scared of someone twice her size suddenly appearing in ever isle shes in… especially if its in the “feminine product” isle. you probably didnt even realize thats where i was purposely leading you to, just to see if you were following me huh. ha. im clever like that. mhm. so guys, DONT FOLLOW GIRLS IN STORES. howbout walking up to her the minute you see her and just flat out telling her you think shes attractive and would like to know if shes seeing someone currently, and if not.. take a chance and ask her out. she might even say sure.. and you know what? since you arent rolling past her at 25 mph, she may even be able to give you her number. weird!!
ok, rant over, and just fyi, i dealt with each one of these things. today.
oh wait.. one more .. i had to come back to “edit” the post. … i thought the wordpress star crap was over.. until i posted number 6. now its telling me my next goal.. is to post TEN. well guess what wordpress, im not nearly as excited to get to ten as i was to get to five. you really should think about giving cookie icons. really.